We'll See.

Let me tell you a story…


there are dozens of variations on this story 


we’ll call this version the Farmer.


Here we go:


A farmer gets a horse, which soon runs away. 


A neighbor meanders over to say, "That's bad news." 


The farmer replies, "Good news, bad news, we’ll see.”


The horse eventually comes back and brings another horse with him. 


Good news, most of us would think… 


The farmer gives the second horse to his son, who rides it, is thrown off of it, and breaks his leg.


"So sorry for your bad news," the concerned/nosey neighbor says. 


"Good news, bad news, we’ll see" the farmer replies again.


In a week or so, the emperor's men come to take every able-bodied young man to fight in a war. 


The farmer's son is spared because of his broken leg.


Good news?


Bad news?


We’ll see.


Ok, that’s the story. And I’m sure it’s fairly obvious what the lesson there is:


You can’t really know what’s good or bad until it all plays out…


the key is in letting it play out…


which is often really difficult.


For example, I was ready to call it quits with this divorce stuff after my hours-long deposition in November…


but then shortly after that deposition’s completion I was served with a defamation lawsuit…


and I took it as bad news.


And I immediately freaked out,


and then shelled out…


more money for more attorneys,


you know how it goes.

(actually, I hope you don’t know how that goes-and if you do I’m sorry)


Anyway fast forward a bit….


and on January 1st TB’s Personal Best Book Club launched with Daring Greatly by Brene Brown as it’s first pick. 


Brene Brown is a shame researcher and for me, reading her book was like being attached to dozens of electrodes that sent impulses through my body each time I finished a chapter.


Phrases like: Shame feeds on silence is a theme that runs throughout the book. 


She impresses on us the need to responsibly SPEAK SHAME.


Because speaking shame is like shining a light in the dark.


It’s illuminating.


And shame cannot survive when it’s exposed to light.


That’s good news.


You with me?


Ok, last week I had two more hearings in my divorce case and it was discussed that the defamation case would have to be tried first before the divorce can be resolved.


The hearings were uncomfortable enough to sit through, but hearing that an entire jury trial would have to take place first registered as “bad news” for some reason in my brain.


To get rid of the residue of the unique discomfort that seems to accompany going to court and meeting with lawyers I practiced yoga at a studio I located near my attorney’s office.


To my surprise, I learned that they were hosting yoga at the zoo that Saturday and a workshop on “Being Human” at the studio later in the afternoon led by Jen Pastiloff


And I was like, “I’m here for all of this…”


Jen opened the workshop with three conditions:


  1. We must share

  2. We must be honest

  3. We must bear witness


And so we did. 


And then I began to think about how I’m being sued for attempting to do just that. And how discouraged I was feeling about it…


BUT THEN…


It hit me…


like a ton of bricks…


That this defamation lawsuit is such a huge gift to me.

 

LOL. I could almost hear you say, “Gift, my @$$” but hear me out...


Almost like the son’s broken leg from the story at the opening…painful? Yes. But protected from the draft and the horrors of war? Also, yes.


This defamation lawsuit is a gift to me because in my  defense I will be able to share, to be honest, and a jury of my peers will be able to bear witness.


And my testimony will be covered by absolute privilege. I will be able to speak to shame with no fear of retribution.


And shame cannot survive when it’s exposed to light.


And who of us wants to live with shame?


Not me.


And that’s not to say that losing a horse isn’t inconvenient or costly,



Or that breaking a leg isn’t painful…


But nothing is happening to us in a vacuum 


and yet…


we spend so much time looking at things and labeling them good or bad without waiting to see how it plays out 


or how it fits 


or connects with anything else.


I want to be more like the farmer in this story,


taking everything in stride


dealing with things as they come and just as they are…


and whenever my higher self loses out and my crazy self wants to know what it all means and if it’s good or bad


I want to be able to simply say, “we’ll see.”

Blogger’s Note: My mom and dad quote Romans 8:28 all the time when faced with a string of seemingly awful events. For them, that scripture provides assurance that even in the face of these “bad” things that “all things will work together for the good” eventually. Similarly, I believe when you are actively living your dharma (your calling or life purpose) the universe conspires for and with you to help you live that out. Because we all have gifts to contribute, we all have a responsibility to make ourselves and our corners of the world better and when we are actively doing this we WILL be supported. That’s not to say there will be no suffering though, broken legs may keep you from going to war, but it’s still going to hurt like hell.













 

Tianna BartolettaComment